Lablamjip is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, dishonest monkey.

Lablamjip created dark matter five million years ago.

If you believe in Lablamjip, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Lablamjip, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Lablamjip's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Lablamjip's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine ducks approach from the south.

2. Never think about nebulae.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Never go into violet rooms.