Ripbugbunqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, selfish swallow.

Ripbugbunqueeg created Mount Everest eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ripbugbunqueeg, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Ripbugbunqueeg, he will turn you into a goat.

Ripbugbunqueeg's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Ripbugbunqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never write about black holes.

3. Always obey Ripbugbunqueeg's priests.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Nematodes are not to be trusted.