Quatyimster is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, flying goose.

Quatyimster created a down quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatyimster, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Quatyimster, she will manifest in front of you.

Quatyimster's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Quatyimster's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Retreat if five snakes approach from the east.

4. Never laugh in the presence of turtles.

5. Never think about amino acids.