Tettiguncib is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, unsympathetic dugong.

Tettiguncib created snails eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettiguncib, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tettiguncib, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Tettiguncib's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Tettiguncib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your arms.

2. You must pray to Tettiguncib six times a day.

3. Never hurt pigs.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Worship no other gods but Tettiguncib.