Nullcatkin is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, proud octopus.

Nullcatkin created a quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Nullcatkin, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nullcatkin, she will boil you in a big pot.

Nullcatkin's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Nullcatkin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear zinc on your body.

2. Worship no other gods but Nullcatkin.

3. Put Nullcatkin first in all things.

4. Erect a large tin sculpture of Nullcatkin on top of all buildings.

5. Nullcatkin loves birds, so they must be honoured.