Fagpanced is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, calm owl.

Fagpanced created the Milkyway nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fagpanced, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Fagpanced, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Fagpanced's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Fagpanced's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not shave your arms.

3. Never think ill of sick dolphins.

4. Never hurt monkeys.

5. Always wear red.