Fomparkquam is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, omniscient fish.

Fomparkquam created snails six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fomparkquam, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Fomparkquam, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Fomparkquam's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Fomparkquam's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from pink capybaras for they are unholy.

2. Never eat rice.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Fomparkquam loves doves, so they must be honoured.

5. Hide if six sharks approach from the south.