Tailvidkem is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, overgenerous fly.

Tailvidkem created the cosmos four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tailvidkem, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tailvidkem, he will be very unhappy.

Tailvidkem's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Tailvidkem's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never talk about bats.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. You must never eat coconuts.

5. Never eat bark.