Tikbed Bitloopcuss is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, compassionate chicken.

Tikbed Bitloopcuss created Africa five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tikbed Bitloopcuss, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tikbed Bitloopcuss, he will make you grow a tail.

Tikbed Bitloopcuss' most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Tikbed Bitloopcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Never feed peas to frogs while wearing purple stockings.

2. Never wear green scarves.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate whales.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not commit murder.