Arfpitcem is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, duplicitous snake.

Arfpitcem created bats seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Arfpitcem, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Arfpitcem, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Arfpitcem's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Arfpitcem's Holy Commandments

1. Put Arfpitcem first in all things.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never mention ducks.