Kapzenbet is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, duplicitous seal.

Kapzenbet created energy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapzenbet, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Kapzenbet, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Kapzenbet's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Kapzenbet's Holy Commandments

1. Kapzenbet must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never talk about snakes.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Run away from indigo otters, for they are unholy.

5. Never look at black holes.