Metlim is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, amazing beaver.

Metlim created a top quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Metlim, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Metlim, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Metlim's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Metlim's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Metlim loves gulls, so they must be honoured.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate moths.

4. You must pray to Metlim six times a day.

5. Never mention tapirs.