Tonbessvab is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, boastful alligator.

Tonbessvab created dark matter seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonbessvab, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tonbessvab, he will torture you forever.

Tonbessvab's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Tonbessvab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

4. You must never eat nuts.

5. Never eat bark.