Vadwitaf is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, deceitful walrus.

Vadwitaf created the cosmos four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vadwitaf, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Vadwitaf, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Vadwitaf's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Vadwitaf's Holy Commandments

1. Erect five silicon sculptures of Vadwitaf on top of important buildings.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.

4. You must love Vadwitaf.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.