Flamzessfas is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, all-knowing lizard.

Flamzessfas created Africa seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flamzessfas, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Flamzessfas, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Flamzessfas' most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Flamzessfas' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about black holes.

2. Put Flamzessfas first in all things.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not wear platinum on your body.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.