Dutsawkap is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, witty slug.

Dutsawkap created the universe six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dutsawkap, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Dutsawkap, it will boil you in a big pot.

Dutsawkap's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Dutsawkap's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Tortoises are not to be trusted.

3. Do not eat turnips.

4. Always look after injured gulls.

5. You must love Dutsawkap.