Flamkemzenceb is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, charitable tapir.

Flamkemzenceb created the Large Magellanic Cloud five million years ago.

If you believe in Flamkemzenceb, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Flamkemzenceb, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Flamkemzenceb's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Flamkemzenceb's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Always help sick squirrels.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Hide if four birds approach from the west.