Labfetster Somdotcengod is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, fussy whale.

Labfetster Somdotcengod created the Cigar Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Labfetster Somdotcengod, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Labfetster Somdotcengod, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Labfetster Somdotcengod's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Labfetster Somdotcengod's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snails.

2. Do not dye your hair blue.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never eat strawberries.