Hotzakrak is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, merciful pig.

Hotzakrak created bats three million years ago.

If you believe in Hotzakrak, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hotzakrak, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Hotzakrak's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Hotzakrak's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick goats.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always look after injured eagles.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not drink water in blue rooms.