Xinwottif Zimbepflow is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, grumpy human.

Xinwottif Zimbepflow created an atom four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xinwottif Zimbepflow, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Xinwottif Zimbepflow, he will remove you from existence.

Xinwottif Zimbepflow's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Xinwottif Zimbepflow's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Xinwottif Zimbepflow must be the most important thing in your life.