Spagyart is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, egotistical crab.

Spagyart created an electron eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Spagyart, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Spagyart, he will try to impress you with trees.

Spagyart's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Spagyart's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Spagyart.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Run away if five manatees approach from the west.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.