Zedbassvog is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, omniscient badger.

Zedbassvog created a bottom quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Zedbassvog, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zedbassvog, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Zedbassvog's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Zedbassvog's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never run in holy places.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.