Soglunwee is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, omnipotent seal.

Soglunwee created the universe four years ago.

If you believe in Soglunwee, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Soglunwee, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Soglunwee's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Soglunwee's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Soglunwee's priests.

2. Run away if six sheep approach from the north.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Soglunwee loves geese, so they must be honoured.

5. You must love Soglunwee.