Tomtigyattfen is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, dishonourable sheep.

Tomtigyattfen created matter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tomtigyattfen, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tomtigyattfen, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Tomtigyattfen's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Tomtigyattfen's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Put Tomtigyattfen first in all things.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never sing in the presence of swans.

5. Do not drink alcohol.