Maptargsan is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, happy jaguar.

Maptargsan created a bottom quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Maptargsan, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Maptargsan, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Maptargsan's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Maptargsan's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the west.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. Do not take Maptargsan's name in vain.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.