Paknelbastjatvenflatzedkon is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, unjust jellyfish.

Paknelbastjatvenflatzedkon created humankind nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Paknelbastjatvenflatzedkon, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Paknelbastjatvenflatzedkon, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Paknelbastjatvenflatzedkon's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Paknelbastjatvenflatzedkon's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in holy places.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Always treat snails with great respect.

5. Do not dye your hair indigo.