Sugtalcap is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, stupid bird.

Sugtalcap created dark energy four million years ago.

If you believe in Sugtalcap, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Sugtalcap, it will come to you in dreams.

Sugtalcap's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Sugtalcap's Holy Commandments

1. Mice are not to be trusted.

2. Always make sure there are no horses in a room before entering it.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Sugtalcap.

4. Retreat if seven bats approach from the east.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.