Zagjatcap is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, ruthless hamster.

Zagjatcap created parasitic wasps eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Zagjatcap, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Zagjatcap, she will turn you into a rock.

Zagjatcap's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Zagjatcap's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.