Nurtbitjen Govfarncem is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, clever grasshopper.

Nurtbitjen Govfarncem created viruses four million years ago.

If you believe in Nurtbitjen Govfarncem, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Nurtbitjen Govfarncem, she will ignore you.

Nurtbitjen Govfarncem's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Nurtbitjen Govfarncem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always look after injured capybaras.

3. Do not trade with those who eat carrots.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sheep.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.