Tonksterbaddin is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, merciless slug.

Tonksterbaddin created Asia four million years ago.

If you believe in Tonksterbaddin, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tonksterbaddin, he will turn you into a tree.

Tonksterbaddin's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Tonksterbaddin's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never look at stars.

4. Never talk about nebulae.

5. Never wear purple shoes.