Lagtaflak is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, emotional tortoise.

Lagtaflak created a photon five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagtaflak, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Lagtaflak, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Lagtaflak's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Lagtaflak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never think about gravity.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.