Gartamzenteen Nartwikbog is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, boastful beaver.

Gartamzenteen Nartwikbog created bats two years ago.

If you believe in Gartamzenteen Nartwikbog, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gartamzenteen Nartwikbog, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Gartamzenteen Nartwikbog's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Gartamzenteen Nartwikbog's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Feed all hungry mites.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not trade with those who eat grapes.

5. Do not run in public.