Lapsoglam is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, tiresome lizard.

Lapsoglam created bats eight million years ago.

If you believe in Lapsoglam, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Lapsoglam, he will turn you into a rat.

Lapsoglam's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Lapsoglam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat spinach.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never write about black holes.

4. Never mention whales.

5. Never skip in the presence of porpoises.