Ominbatkar is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, deceitful jackal.

Ominbatkar created Europe seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ominbatkar, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ominbatkar, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Ominbatkar's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Ominbatkar's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never think about cell theory.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never mention ants.

5. Ominbatkar must be the most important thing in your life.