Tarpadbug is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, deceitful narwhal.

Tarpadbug created the Large Magellanic Cloud five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpadbug, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tarpadbug, he will turn you into a puffin.

Tarpadbug's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Tarpadbug's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a room before entering it.

4. You must love Tarpadbug.

5. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.