Xuchigcetlapfemdan is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, happy crab.

Xuchigcetlapfemdan created water six billion years ago.

If you believe in Xuchigcetlapfemdan, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Xuchigcetlapfemdan, it will turn you into a duck.

Xuchigcetlapfemdan's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Xuchigcetlapfemdan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Retreat if three squirrels approach from the east.

3. Never look at black holes.

4. Never feed aubergines to manatees while wearing mauve tights.

5. Never mention seals.