Vaglabdingam is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, all-powerful mongoose.

Vaglabdingam created a charm quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vaglabdingam, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Vaglabdingam, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Vaglabdingam's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Vaglabdingam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never talk about nematodes.

3. Doves are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Vaglabdingam loves badgers, so they must be respected.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.