Higruttwik Bosscadnadpig is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, selfish octopus.

Higruttwik Bosscadnadpig created carbon two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Higruttwik Bosscadnadpig, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Higruttwik Bosscadnadpig, she will turn you into a worm.

Higruttwik Bosscadnadpig's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Higruttwik Bosscadnadpig's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never sing near turtles.

3. Do not take Higruttwik Bosscadnadpig's name in vain.

4. Never paint your hands cyan.

5. You must pray to Higruttwik Bosscadnadpig six times a day.