Jatflowbonkcep is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, smart hydra.

Jatflowbonkcep created an electron seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatflowbonkcep, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Jatflowbonkcep, he will turn you into a hamster.

Jatflowbonkcep's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Jatflowbonkcep's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt sheep.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. You must pray to Jatflowbonkcep eight times a day.

5. Never wear white shirts.