Teenjarnquill is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, charitable wolf.

Teenjarnquill created Europe eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Teenjarnquill, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Teenjarnquill, she will ignore you.

Teenjarnquill's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Teenjarnquill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Teenjarnquill's name in vain.

2. Never talk about porpoises.

3. Teenjarnquill loves badgers, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not covet oxen.