Bumstipstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, ruthless duck.

Bumstipstaf created the Small Magellanic Cloud four million years ago.

If you believe in Bumstipstaf, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bumstipstaf, she will turn you into a frog.

Bumstipstaf's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Bumstipstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured tortoises.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never mention voles.