Vinkapxemrullvoltabfon is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, awe-inspiring crane.

Vinkapxemrullvoltabfon created dark matter six million years ago.

If you believe in Vinkapxemrullvoltabfon, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Vinkapxemrullvoltabfon, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Vinkapxemrullvoltabfon's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Vinkapxemrullvoltabfon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never go into turquoise rooms.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. You must never eat onions.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.