Mitvonkquam is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, witty cow.

Mitvonkquam created a photon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mitvonkquam, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Mitvonkquam, she will turn you into a tree.

Mitvonkquam's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Mitvonkquam's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. You must pray to Mitvonkquam five times a day.

3. Do not eat apples.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.