Quagdonwap is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, caring slug.

Quagdonwap created the Sun eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Quagdonwap, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quagdonwap, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Quagdonwap's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Quagdonwap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair gray.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Feed all hungry goats.

4. Always make sure there are no sheep in a building before entering it.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.