Bidhinmon Quamhiglarnjinrutt is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, witless dryad.

Bidhinmon Quamhiglarnjinrutt created tapeworms two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bidhinmon Quamhiglarnjinrutt, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bidhinmon Quamhiglarnjinrutt, he will laugh at you.

Bidhinmon Quamhiglarnjinrutt's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Bidhinmon Quamhiglarnjinrutt's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Bidhinmon Quamhiglarnjinrutt eight times a day.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bidhinmon Quamhiglarnjinrutt.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.