Gemvolzim is a god.

It takes the form of a small, stupid dryad.

Gemvolzim created an electron two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gemvolzim, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gemvolzim, it will turn you into a dog.

Gemvolzim's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Gemvolzim's Holy Commandments

1. Manatees are not to be trusted.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gemvolzim.

3. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

4. Gemvolzim loves capybaras, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not cook food in pots.