Bessfedcib is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, emotional dryad.

Bessfedcib created life three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bessfedcib, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bessfedcib, it will turn you into a snail.

Bessfedcib's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Bessfedcib's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never think about galaxies.

3. Erect four tin sculptures of Bessfedcib on top of important buildings.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not wear carbon on your body.