Hatlidsat Hakvigtam is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, all-knowing meerkat.

Hatlidsat Hakvigtam created energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hatlidsat Hakvigtam, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Hatlidsat Hakvigtam, he will turn you into a mole.

Hatlidsat Hakvigtam's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Hatlidsat Hakvigtam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Retreat if five porpoises approach from the south.

3. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never go into purple rooms.