Narlsatbig is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, quiet bird.

Narlsatbig created matter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Narlsatbig, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Narlsatbig, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Narlsatbig's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Narlsatbig's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never mention shrews.

3. Never eat tomatoes.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not drink alcohol.