Hivtailgomgun is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, deceitful gorilla.

Hivtailgomgun created humanity seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hivtailgomgun, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hivtailgomgun, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Hivtailgomgun's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Hivtailgomgun's Holy Commandments

1. Goats are not to be trusted.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Hivtailgomgun.

3. Never talk about manatees.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not wear violet clothing.